Archives:

            FEBRUARY:

  Dear Tim,

                    What do you think of all those "sock animals" such as sock-elephants,
                    sock-teddy bears, sock-cats, sock-cows, sock-etc...??

        From:

        Just Wondering

           
            Dear Just Wondering,

                Sock monkeys were the first and still are the best.  With that said, I do have to say
                that we all try to go out of our way to be open to all of the sock species.  My favorite is
                the socktopus.  I've got a little love for every kind of sock, 'specially the females.  Growl!

            Yours,

            Tim

        Dear Tim,

                     I have approximately 20 sock monkey friends living in my home.  I am always
                    adopting more.  My wife is fed up.  When is enough, enough?  I also dress my
                    baby in sock monkey clothing, (Kohl's) and have a sock monkey costume.  Do I
                    need help?

        Sockman

            Dear Sockman,

                You don't need help.  There are 3 things that you do need:   1.  A new wife.   2.  To send
                me some happenin' sock monkey clothes from the Kohl's.   3.  And lastly, you need to
                wear your sock monkey costume EVERY DAY.  To answer your first question,
                contrary to what Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand may say, enough is never enough. 
                In the words of the great philosopher Sockrates, "There is no such thing as too many
                sock monkeys."  Believe that.

        Sockingly Yours,

        Tim

        Dear Tim,

                    I'd just like to ask, how do u become such a pimp like yourself?  You are the sexiest
                   sock monkey in the world. How does anyone who isn't you be so great and awesome
                   and pimptastic?  Please, I must know, for I am not a pimp.

        Signed,

        Pudgyman

            My Dearest Pudgyman,

                 Lucky for me I was born this way.  I've been pimptastic since the sock womb, my
                friend.  Lucky for you, I can also teach you some things.  Bear in mind, you can never
                surpass the master as some of us just have "The Sexy" in our souls, but I'll be willing
                to pass along some tips.  The one condition of my helping you is that you have to agree
                to only work your sock-inspired mojo on chicks I don't dig or have already tossed aside
                like last week's foot shavings.  Deal?  Oh, and you have to buy all of my drinks. 

        We'll Talk....

        Tim

-Send Tim a Question at asktim at thebigt.com-