S.O.: Can you tell us about your beginnings?   T: Well, it's not a very exciting story. I was made for my mom by a family friend for Christmas 1978, which was of course, at the height of disco. I did my share of awful odd jobs such as amusement park ride and Fuller Brush salesman before heading out to Hollywood in the late '80s to establish myself. I was back home when my mom 'rediscovered' me right around Christmastime 1991. She noticed my penchant for taunting and annoying people, but also amusing them. When I put on my disco vest and repeated how much I wanted to have a "Rockin'" New Year's Eve, as the story goes, a star was born. My website went up in 1995 and I've been rockin' the world wide web ever since.

Were you separated from your twin at birth? Fortunately, no. Being a sock monkey means every one is unique and different. (Unless you're one of the manufactured automaton monkeys - we frown on them) I don't think the world could handle 2 Tims.

What’s the best experience you’ve ever had? Oh so many to choose from! I'll go with being on stage with Emo Philips and my mom and also meeting my long-time sock pal, Nate.

What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you? A few years back, a hooligan neighbor boy thought it would be amusing to grab me and put my head inside his dog's open mouth. I thank my lucky stars every day that the freakin' dog didn't bite down. Quite traumatic.

What do you say to people who call you a puppet? Oh, it varies, depending on the person and the kind of mood that I'm in. Most of the time I throw a fit and start yelling all things no one can understand. I do like to pepper it with some profanities from time to time. But I think the standard response is the look of death coming from my sock eyes, followed by, "There is no hand up my ass."

Would you describe yourself as a ladies man? I think Tim Meadows owes me some money because I am the original Ladies Man. They love me. Who do you think Sade wrote "Smooth Operator" about? This guy.

Describe what a romantic evening would be like with you. I usually bring a girl a can of Spam and a bottle of whiskey. Because I am a gentleman, I skip Taco Bell because of my er, gastric problems. Usually dinner on the benches at a local fast food joint followed by one of my movies or, if we're lucky, some trash picking. It gets them every time.

Can you describe your ideal mate? I'm not sure I could ever be a one-woman sock, but if I was, she needs to be able to deal with life under a microscope. I think I'd also like someone who is gentle and kind and knows how to sew so she can fix my holes. I also appreciate a nice rack.

You had the opportunity to meet Deborah Gibson and go golfing with Engelbert Humperdinck. If you could meet any other famous person, who would it be and why? Well, it would have to be Dick Clark. I have him to thank for helping mold me into the sock I am today. I'd also like to party and hang with Crispin Glover. Think you could hook a sock up, or what?

You have a page of people you would like to slap. Any recent additions you’d like to tell us about? You know, everyone keeps e-mailing me asking me to slap Steve, the Dell kid. I won't do it. I like the little bugger. But I'm thinking about adding the new not-so-nice Rosie O'Donnell. I didn't like her when she was a VJ on VH-1 and I still don't like her now. She's really rubbing my sock the wrong way lately.

Do you think you’ll ever be Sir Tim the Superstar Sock Monkey one day? Oh, I hope so. That is, if they can overlook "the incident" a few years back when I drunkenly peed on one of the Royal Guards.

How would you describe your mother? I love my mom. She's kind of a little bit of a freak. She's in her late 20's and I tell everyone that she is an actress/singer/writer/superstar!!!!!!!! I'm a bit of a mama's boy...shhhh!

Do the two of you get strange looks from people when you go out together? It depends on where we are. When we're home in Rhode Island, we definitely do. However, when we were in Vegas, no one even looked twice.

What’s worse: a dirty sock or a holey sock? Definitely the holey sock. I'm starting to get lots of holes as a result of all my years of partying. I like being a dirty sock because we socks get cleaner when booze is used to wash us!