Ooh la la....  

    Hey cool kids! I'm baaaaack! Ah, those Go-Gos were so wrong when they said,
   "Vacation, meant to be spent alone*."  I certainly didn't spend mine alone and I had a
   blast.  (Hello ladies <wink>)  But it's always nice to come home.  Ahhhh.  I'm refreshed
   and back - so welcome to May!  As you can see in this month's picture, I felt bad that I
   hadn't unleashed The Full Sexy on you ladies in a long time, so I figured I'd give you
   something to feast your eyes upon for a while.  I know I always give you The Sexy, but
   sometimes it's nice to give something more. Enjoy....

      So let's get down to the updates, shall we?  This month's video clip is the result of
   last month's poll - y'all voted, and I guess the majority wanted to see what the heck I
   would do with The Apprentice.  I hope you'll find my interpretation to your liking.  You
   can check it out on my Movies Page.   As always, let me know what you think, and
   send in suggestions for what you'd like to see next time around.  There's also some
   new advice up on my Ask Tim page as well.   Finally, I've added some new recipients to
   my page of People I'd Like to Slap.  This month brings you the All-Reality Show
   edition.  There are so many to choose from in that genre, but I just included the ones
   who irritate me the most.   Oh, you should see one of my "episodes," as my mom likes
   to call them.   When Rupert starts getting all self-important - it ain't pretty, folks.   My
   little hose is starting to boil just thinking about it.   Argh!   Okay, quick Tim, think of
   something else. Boobies! Yay! There we go. I'm back. Phew!

      Speaking of reality shows, what does the new Bachelor think he's doing with my
   lady?  I had her first, mister!  I guess it's only right that she would go crazy and go on a
   show like that after losing someone like me.  Poor girl.  Anyway, that's about it for me
   this month.  I'm off to hit the casino.  If there's any cure for spring fever, it's a dose of
   gambling with a side of booze and ciggies.  Ah, the perfect remedy.  I've been thinking
   about retirement lately, and that seems like the perfect way to spend it.  (How 'bout it,
   Nate?)  Fear not though, I'm not going anywhere yet, so keep sending in your e-mails
   and requests!  Have a rockin' month, everybody!  See ya' at the blackjack tables!

Tim